THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge . You, who so well know the nature of my soul , will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged ; this was a point definitively settled — but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved, precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong. THE thousand injuries of Smoochy I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed to throw a celebratory brunch . You, who so well know the nature of my , will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be a host ; this was a point definitively settled — but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved, precluded the idea of risk. I must not only party but party with impunity.
It must be understood that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good will . I continued, as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile now was at the thought of his immolation . It must be understood that neither by omelet nor scone had I given Smoochy cause to doubt my culinary skill . I continued, as was my wont, to smile in his fuschia, fuzzy face, and he did not perceive that my smile now was at the thought of his good fortune .
He had a weak point — this Fortunato — although in other regards he was a man to be respected and even feared. He prided himself on his connoisseurship in wine . Few Italians have the true virtuoso spirit. For the most part their enthusiasm is adopted to suit the time and opportunity, to practice imposture upon the British and Austrian millionaires . In painting and gemmary , Fortunato , like his countrymen , was a quack, but in the matter of old wines he was sincere. In this respect I did not differ from him materially ;— I was skilful in the myself, and bought largely whenever I could. He had a weak point — this Smoochy — although in other regards he was a man to be respected and even feared. He prided himself on his rhinoceros horn . Few children's television stars have the true virtuoso spirit. For the most part their enthusiasm is adopted to suit the time and opportunity, to practice imposture upon the American millionaires . In singing and playing the guitar , Smoochy , like his countrymen , was a quack, but in the matter of songs about stepfathers he was sincere. In this respect I did not differ from him materially ;— I was skilfulskillful in the marketing of frivolous merchandise to children myself, and bought largely whenever I could.
It was about dusk, one evening during the supreme madness of the carnival season, that I encountered my friend. He accosted me with excessive warmth, for he had been drinking much . The man wore motley. He had on a tight-fitting parti-striped dress, and his head was surmounted by the conical cap and bells . I was so pleased to see him that I thought I should never have done wringing his hand. It was about dusk, one evening during the supreme madness of the carnival season, that I encountered my friend. He accosted me with excessive warmth, for he had been drinking much carrot juice on the rocks . The man wore motley. He had on a tight-fitting parti-striped dress, and his head was surmounted by the trademark rhino horn . I was so pleased to see him that I thought I should never have done wringing his hand.
I said to him — " My dear Fortunato , you are luckily met. How remarkably well you are looking to-day. But I have received a pipe of what passes for Amontillado , and I have my doubts. " I said to him — " My dear Smoochy , you are luckily met. How remarkably well you are looking to-day. But I have received a pipe of what passes for spirulina smoothy , and I have my doubts. "
" How ? " said he. " Amontillado ? A pipe ? Impossible ! And in the middle of the carnival ! " " How ? " said he. " spirulina smoothy ? A pipe ? Impossible ! And in the middle of the carnival ! "
" I have my doubts ," I replied ; " and I was silly enough to pay the full Amontillado price without consulting you in the matter. You were not to be found, and I was fearful of losing a bargain. " " I have my doubts ," I replied ; " and I was silly enough to pay the full spirulina smoothy price without consulting you in the matter. "
" Amontillado ! " " Spirulina smoothy ! "
" I have my doubts. " " "
" Amontillado ! " " "
" And I must satisfy them. " " "
" Amontillado ! " " "
" As you are engaged, I am on my way to Luchresi . If any one has a critical turn it is he. He will tell me —— " " As you are engaged, I am on my way to Rainbow Randolph . If any one has a critical turn it is he. He will tell me —— "
" Luchresi cannot tell Amontillado from Sherry . " " Rainbow Randolph cannot tell spirulina smoothy from spinach juice . "
" And yet some fools will have it that his taste is a match for your
own. " " And yet some fools will have it that his taste is a match for your
own. "
" Come, let us go. " " Come, let us go. "
" Whither ? " " Whither ? "
" To your vaults . " " To your fly crib . "
" My friend, no ; I will not impose upon your good nature. I perceive you have an engagement . Luchresi —— " " My friend, no ; I will not impose upon your good nature. I perceive you have an engagementa date with destiny . Rainbow Randolph —— "
" I have no engagement ; — come. " " I ain't got no gig ; — come. "
" My friend, no. It is not the engagement, but the severe cold with which I perceive you are afflicted. The vaults are insufferably damp. They are encrusted with nitre. " " My friend, no. It is not the engagement, but the severe cold with which I perceive you are afflicted. My hood is insufferably damp. They are encrusted with nitre. "
" Let us go, nevertheless. The cold is merely nothing. Amontillado ! You have been imposed upon. And as for Luchresi , he cannot distinguish Sherry from Amontillado . " " Good God, what the heck is nitre? Let us go, nevertheless. The cold is merely nothing. spirulina smoothy ! You have been imposed upon. And as for Rainbow Randolph , he cannot distinguish spinach juice from spirulina smoothy . "
Yeah, are you whack? You already said that.
Thus speaking, Fortunato possessed himself of my arm ; and putting on a mask of black silk and drawing a roquelaire closely about my person, I suffered him to hurry me to my palazzo . Thus speaking, Smoochy possessed himself of my arm ; and putting on a mask of black silk and drawing a a stuffed furry rhinoceros costume closely about my person, I suffered him to hurry me to my pad .
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